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    March 26

    being

    突然发现中文里面竟然没有一个词可以吻合它的意思。being,它被字典译为“存在”,“生命”, “人”, “本质”等等。事实上,“存在”,它是exist,是一种更宽范围的说法,一块石头它是存在的,it exists,可是却不能称之为being;“生命”,似乎更接近一些,感觉也稍显笼统,生命,是life,小草也有生命,可它是being么?如果说“命”,那是fate,我们中国人喜欢说命,应该是指人生的过程,而且是还未结束的过程,如果这个过程已经终结,那就是“一生”了;说到“人”,我们常常把human being 称为“人类”,“人”,可是在东方的思维里“人”的概念更加注重于他的物理个体,应该是man, 是individual;“本质”,是essence,是element,用在being上也是过于宽泛了。其实在中文里有一个词“是”本来可以做being的天然对应,只是它没有被赋予这种意思。
     
    在昆德拉的著作《不朽》里,对being (être) 有一个十分形象的比喻。世界好比是一个巨大无比的计算机,造物主就是它的操作员,计算机里有一些程序,而每一个“人”都是某个程序运行一次所产生的进程,而环境则是他的变量和参数;一个进程从头到尾,就是一个过程。这个进程,应该就是being,过程,就是人生。有限的程序,在资源足够的情况下,却可以产生无限个进程。
     
    记得有一天出去喝酒,碰到了一个西西里的小伙子,谈到家乡,他说:  "being a sicilian, it's not a kind of living, but a kind of being." 用的恰恰就是昆德拉的表述方式。being,是人生的状态,它由许多有形的聚聚散散,折射出无形的思维存在;它由物质来体现,却又高于物质。现在的你,不同于两年前的你,因为组成你身上的每一寸肌肤的材料,都已经更换了,可是你仍是你,“你”,是一种存在的状态,更是一种灵性的反射。being,它是客观存在的,是灵与肉的结合;唯有灵,则流于魂魄,唯有肉,则流于行尸。我们能说这个世界是完全唯物的么?
     
    想到以上这些东西,其实还是因为读了《不朽》这本书,其中有一段昆德拉的关于être的描述,借主人公Agnès表达出来。本来想把它翻译成中文,可是居然找不到对味的词语,所以暂且将其译成英文。有哪位可以找到最合适的中文词来表达这个being么?
     
    That is unsustainable in the life, it's not of being, but being one's self. Thanks to his computer, the Creator has put into the world millions of selves, and their lives. But besides all these lives we can imagine a most elementary being, who existed before the Creator began to create, a being onto whom the Creator has not applied and does not apply any influence.  Strentching in the meadow, traversed by the monotonous song of the brook that drew out her self, the filth of her self, Agnès joined that elementary being who manifests itself in the voice of flowing time and in the blue of the sky; she knew, from then on, there is nothing more beautiful.
     
    The province where she passed through is now peaceful; beyond, infinitely beyond, the stars are glittering. Agnès says to herself:
     
    Live, it is not a fortune. Live: carry its dolorous self due to this world.
     
    But being, being is a fortune. Being: it transforms into a fountain, a stone laver from which the universe descends like a mild rain.
    March 15

    一个梦

    做了一个梦,梦见所有的中文词,英文词,法文词,都成了我的好朋友;和他们聚会,就象在自家后院那么惬意;他们暂时离开了枯燥的字典公寓,来到阳光下,大海边,美食中,一个个眉飞色舞;忽然间我又拿起了小小的指挥棒,思维就这么游离着,信手打出几个节奏,然后朋友们的每一个音符,每一个舞步,居然都合到了我的心坎里。
     
    喜悦!大师般的满足,虽然只是在梦里。醒来有些头痛,看了看窗外,太阳还是从东边升起了。